Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Last week, we had a typical spring Minnesota snow storm--blowing snow leading to white-outs, and about 8 inches of new snow on the ground. School was on time the next day and life went on as usual. The kids and the shelties were thrilled with the weather. Today, it's going to hit 40. My kids will refuse to wear their coats after school. My teenager is going to demand to wear shorts. I have windows open. Such is life in the Great White North.

Before we lived in Minnesota, DH and I lived in Florida for 3 years. By the end of our time there, our ac was set to come on at 80.

It's amazing what you can get used to.

It's that way with so much in life. Everyone has a different take on "normal"---how a family relates to one another; what your financial priorities are; how you spend your free time; how people dress.

And then there is stress. It can build over months, or years, and for the longest time it seems "normal" until there is a breaking point.

I hit that breaking point two weeks ago. I'm beginning to heal, with the help of great friends, but it is a slow process. My life has been disrupted in so many ways and writing has suffered.

It wasn't until I began to climb out of the dark hole I've been in that I started to realize how deep the hole was, and how long I've been falling. It wasn't until life became less painful that I understood how much pain there was.

I'm not sure when I will get out of the hole, or what "normal" will feel like then, but I am looking forward to finding out what life will be like.


Betsy from Tennessee said...

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, Fiona. You are already on your way OUT of that hole.. Just admitting it and realizing that you are there and wanting to get out is a GOOD thing...
Lots of hugs to you,

FIONA said...

Thanks, Betsy. I think realizing I was in the hole was a huge step. Each day it gets better, and I am trying to remember that I can only live one day at a time.

Annie said...

Betsy is so right. You're talking about your pain. That's good. I've been in that hole. What I learned from the climb out was that perhaps I couldn't live one day at a time but I could handle 15 minutes and be proud of that. Pretty soon I could handle a day, a week, etc. And a very good friend shared how she had overcome depression and told me therapy helped. It did. That and identifying the triggers to depression: e.g., certain people, places.

Good luck and warm Hugs to you,

Shellmo said...

I agree w/ Betsy too! Just recognizing a situation already means you are at the next step to moving out of it. I send you prayers, flowers and hugs!

Coralie Cederna Johnson said...

Oh how I hate those black holes, having been in a few myself. Though long ago, I remember how difficult it was to meet the day. Finding a therapist who you can relate to can help tremendously! Also, I found that getting outside for a while each day helped. Of course, each person is different and you know what is best for you. Just know that your friends care! Sending you hugs! Coralie

Silver said...

feel like i can relate ..

hang in there.. someone once said that it's darkest before dawn..

from Reflections / One Day at a Time

FIONA said...

Thanks, everyone. I have found a person to start with, and have made a little progress. Each day seems a little better--but the writing hasn't come back very well, and that's frustrating. I'm going to have to let that go for a while.

I feel as though I have received a huge virtual group hug form everyone--thanks so much!